A significant number of couples experience frequent disagreements, particularly following stressful periods like the holiday season. To help address this issue, relationship psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson has proposed seven key questions designed to facilitate open communication and reduce conflict between partners. This approach aims to strengthen romantic relationships and marriages that may be facing challenges.
Dr. Nickerson refers to this method as a relationship “audit.” It encourages couples to engage in discussions about critical areas such as finances, intimacy, stress, aspirations, health, family boundaries, and shared goals. By addressing these topics regularly, couples can prevent misunderstandings and mitigate the risk of breakups. According to Dr. Nickerson, “Asking these questions once a year keeps couples aligned, supported, and moving in the same direction.”
The timing of these conversations is crucial. Data from the Ministry of Justice indicates that divorce application rates tend to peak in the first three months of the year, often following the heightened tensions that can arise during the Christmas season. Dr. Nickerson notes that when couples avoid essential discussions out of fear of conflict, they may inadvertently drift apart.
“Over time, silence can become anger, hurt, and emotional distance—the very foundations of separation,” she explains. While communication breakdowns are common, Dr. Nickerson emphasizes that resolving conflicts effectively can foster a sense of understanding, support, and love, ultimately allowing the relationship to thrive.
Dr. Nickerson identifies finances as a critical area for discussion. She warns that unspoken frustrations regarding money can lead to resentment and potentially contempt. Couples are encouraged to openly discuss their financial security and agree on strategies for managing tighter budgets.
Equally important is the topic of intimacy, which encompasses both physical and emotional connections. Dr. Nickerson suggests that couples should routinely check in with each other to ensure that both partners’ needs are being addressed. Addressing this topic at the start of the year can help establish clear goals for emotional closeness.
Stress is another unavoidable aspect of life that can impact relationships. After a long day at work, emotions can run high, making small issues seem more significant. Dr. Nickerson advises couples to ask each other how stressed they have been on a scale of one to ten. This simple inquiry can help partners manage expectations and provide support when needed.
In addition to these discussions, Dr. Nickerson highlights the importance of sharing dreams and aspirations. Conversations about personal goals can invigorate relationships and maintain a forward momentum. She encourages couples to ask each other about their health and well-being, fostering a culture of care and support.
Setting personal boundaries is equally vital. Dr. Nickerson asserts that every individual should feel safe and respected within a relationship. Open conversations about boundaries can prevent feelings of resentment and exhaustion that may arise when one partner pushes for discussions on topics the other is not ready to address.
Finally, Dr. Nickerson encourages couples to establish a shared goal for the upcoming year. She states, “When couples succeed together, connection deepens. You become teammates working towards the same finish line.” Although this audit is not a guaranteed solution to save every relationship, it serves as a foundational tool for enhancing emotional, physical, and financial safety within the partnership.
Dr. Nickerson concludes that communication is essential for keeping love alive. She urges couples to share openly, listen generously, validate each other’s feelings, and reassure one another regularly. “Strong relationships aren’t built in grand gestures—they’re built in the conversations we are brave enough to have.”
