January is often a time for reflection and renewal, making it an ideal period for couples to assess their relationships. Dr. Kathy Nickerson, a clinical psychologist based in Orange County, California, emphasizes the importance of conducting a relationship audit each year. According to her, this practice can significantly contribute to a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
Dr. Nickerson asserts that successful relationships require effort from both partners. She recommends that couples engage in an annual discussion focused on seven key domains of connection: finances, intimacy, stress, dreams, health, boundaries, and shared goals. Addressing these areas can foster understanding, support, and love between partners.
Understanding the Importance of Communication
Communication plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Dr. Nickerson notes that initiating these conversations can prevent emotional distance and resentment from developing. By discussing important topics regularly, couples can ensure they remain aligned and supportive of one another.
The Ministry of Justice in the UK has reported that divorce applications peak in the first three months of the year. Dr. Nickerson suggests that proactive discussions can help couples avoid this trend. She states, “Asking these questions once a year keeps couples aligned, supported, and moving in the same direction.” Engaging in meaningful dialogue helps partners feel understood and valued.
The Seven Essential Questions
Dr. Nickerson recommends starting the relationship audit with financial discussions. Couples should explore their financial security, any concerns about money, and how they plan to manage their finances throughout the year. She warns that “resentment around finances can be corrosive” and that open conversations about money can prevent future conflicts.
Intimacy is another critical area for discussion. Dr. Nickerson encourages couples to share their feelings about emotional and physical closeness. Partners should ask each other what they desire more or less of in their intimate lives to ensure both feel cherished.
Stress, a common but often neglected topic, can greatly impact a relationship. Dr. Nickerson advises partners to assess their stress levels, asking, “On a scale of one to ten, how stressed have you been?” Understanding each other’s stressors allows for better support and patience in the relationship.
Dreams and aspirations also warrant attention. Couples should share their ambitions for the year ahead and discuss steps they can take together to achieve these goals. This shared vision can strengthen their bond and create a sense of purpose.
Health discussions should encompass physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Dr. Nickerson suggests asking, “How have you been caring for your mind and body?” Partners should explore ways to enhance their overall well-being together.
Boundaries are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Couples should address any discomfort regarding their relationship dynamics and discuss how to create a safe and respectful environment for both partners. Dr. Nickerson emphasizes the importance of feeling prioritized and respected.
Finally, couples should establish a shared goal for the coming year. Dr. Nickerson believes that when couples succeed together, their connection deepens. “You become teammates working toward the same finish line,” she explains.
Dr. Nickerson acknowledges that the significance of each topic may vary from couple to couple. However, she insists that prioritizing safety—whether emotional, physical, or financial—is foundational. Without it, openness becomes challenging.
Ultimately, Dr. Nickerson encourages couples to be intentional about their relationships. “Your partner can’t read your mind,” she states. Open communication is essential for maintaining love and connection. She concludes, “Strong relationships aren’t built in grand gestures—they’re built in the conversations we are brave enough to have.”
By prioritizing these seven questions, couples can work together to strengthen their marriages and foster a deeper connection as they move into the new year.
