Dr. Emmie Fulton, a psychologist and solo parent, shares her journey of raising three neurodivergent children, revealing the challenges that surpassed her professional training. While one might assume that her background in mental health would facilitate her parenting, she found that traditional methods often fell short when applied to the unique needs of her children, who have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
Struggles Beyond the Classroom
Fulton initially believed her extensive training would provide her with the requisite tools for effective parenting. However, she quickly discovered that the techniques she had mastered were primarily designed for neurotypical individuals. “What soothes one child dysregulates another,” she notes, highlighting the emotional complexity of her household.
Over time, she faced the harsh reality that conventional approaches—such as sticker charts and reward systems—had limited impact. Instead, she often encountered significant emotional reactions from her children when negative consequences were introduced. This led her to question her strategies, realizing that her understanding of anxiety and negative thought patterns did not fully encompass the inner experiences of neurodivergent children.
The Need for a Mindset Shift
Fulton recognized that the change needed to begin with her mindset. “Curiosity was needed, not control,” she explains. She adapted her approach by asking more insightful questions during challenging moments, shifting her focus from “How do I stop this?” to “What do they need?”
This pivotal change allowed her to explore various strategies to support her children. Activities such as roaring like a lion, engaging in pillow fights, or simply providing sensory relief became tools for breaking the cycle of intense emotions. “It’s amazing how these actions can help,” she states, emphasizing the importance of being open to trial and error.
Despite her efforts, Fulton learned to accept limitations. “I cannot fix everything,” she admits, acknowledging that not all situations are within her control. This realization has been difficult but necessary, as she navigates the intricacies of parenting while managing her own exhaustion and self-doubt.
Fulton’s experiences led her to create Hero Cards, a set of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) tools aimed at helping children recognize and manage their emotions more effectively. She believes that introducing these skills early can provide children with the ability to cope with life’s challenges before they become overwhelming.
Ultimately, her journey has been one of continuous learning. “I’m still learning every day,” she reflects, suggesting that this ongoing process is perhaps the most valuable lesson of all. Her experiences serve as a reminder that even professionals in the field of psychology are not immune to the complexities of parenting neurodivergent children.
Through her work and personal insights, Fulton hopes to inspire other parents to remain open-minded and adaptable, emphasizing that there is no one-size-fits-all solution in parenting. “It’s about acceptance, patience, and a willingness to try new things,” she concludes, underscoring the profound impact of understanding and compassion in the parenting journey.
